Dear Kia,
I heard that cunnilingus can give you throat cancer. What do you think of this? How esle can I please my woman??
Doug, 17
Dear Doug,
Cunnilingus will only give you caner if you do it on a blow up doll for several hours a day. SHIT Doug, grow some nuts! EVERYTHING gives us cancer these days! Breathing is apparently a major cause of cancer BUT DO WE STOP BREATHING?!! NO! Lol! I think the most cancer causing part of cunnilingus is the cigarette afterwards. Cunnilingus is a good workout for your tongue so it’s probably good for you! 
I still don’t recommend going the growl on Big Bessie blow-up doll as a form of exercise or practice by the way, that probably would give you cancer. Or at least causes extreme embarrassment when your mum catches you. Why were you doing it on Big Bessie the Blow-up doll? Because you dumped Fux the Inflatable Fox weeks ago.
To your other question: How “esle” can you please your woman? How about make her dinner or buy her some shoes or offer to help with the washing dooshbag. Or use a vibrating condom, they’re cool. Or why not get her a brand new bike-pump that was never used by Fux…
xo Kia
