Kia’s Answers

Dear Kia,

I’m finding the world filled with stuck up women who only look for looks and money in a man.  Where can I find decent genuine girls who I can actually take home to meet my parents.

Jamie, 26

Dear Jamie,

I feel your pain.  A lot of girls in your area seem to have mutated bitchbones having a symbiotic relationship with their backbone which feeds off their personality these days…  Spidey would be disgusted!  I have a few solutions for you.

Solution 1: Move out to the country and make friends with your neighbours and meet someone’s daughter!  (neighbours out west are friends on account of there being a massive backyard between them).  Country girls are usually a lot less preoccupied with material things and actually have a sense of humour and can probably drink you under the table too.

Solution 2: Stay focused! You can still find nice girls out clubbing, just don’t get distracted by the sparkly things that the beautiful girls with too much makeup on are wearing!  Find a girl who looks like she’s having fun, chances are she’s either really drunk or has enough personality to have fun without being mean to someone!  The ones that are on their phones, in a gaggle of girls all of whom aren’t smiling at all or who appear to be on some kind of drugs wouldn’t be the kind of girl you’re looking for.  Check out pubs too, chicks with personality dig pubs!

Solution 3: Some nice girls don’t go out to clubs or live in the country so try house parties, rock climbing, swimming pool, the beach, the movies and keep your eyes out for ladies who again, look like they’re relaxed, aren’t checking their appearance too often and are having fun.  Chances are it will be difficult to pick up women who are about to go into a movie but here’s a good technique I just invented for you:  find a girl that you think will be a nice person and sit behind her in the cinema and pass her a note to the effect of “I think you’re stunning, I’d like to take you out to dinner after the movie?” or something like that.  Don’t be sitting behind her on your own though, that’s just creepy. 

Solution 4: Online dating.  You’ll meet some crazies but you’ll also find a few women on there who want to love someone else more than they love themselves (besides their cat… who will probably HATE you). 

Solution 5: Become an asshole.  Who better to date women who only like looks and money in a man than the man who only likes the looks of a woman and how well she performs in bed?  As you find yourself becoming more and more shallow those ladies who won’t have babies because of stretchmarks will become more and more attractive to you as you become self absorbed and don’t care that you will never connect with them on a deeper level than both having an emotional dependence on brand names.

Don’t worry Jamie, nice girls are out there but in this big ole city full of fashion outlets, model searches and binge drinking, they’re mighty hard to come by.  Just look for the girl who has a real personality, opinions and the ability to stay happy when they’re not the centre of attention and you’ll find that they appear in the most random places.  Maybe you should launch yourself on a quest!

xo, Kia