Aries
Your guardian angels will be watching your for the next few days. Try not to do anything stupid or get naked, they’re very judgemental.
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Taurus
Mars is taking over your social life for a while. So now your unpopular, get over it loser.
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Gemini
Beware of one of your personalities, there is a chance that they are leading a double life. Try to get control of this as consequences are lurking in your Venus domain.
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Libra
You are likely to experience problems due to Uranus and its position in the next few days. Uranus has a huge influence on your general well-being, which is currently in jepardy. The only way to ensure that there is no effect is to drink 12 litres of strawberry yoghurt through a yellow bendy straw.
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Sagitarius
Your reliance on horiscopes will soon be proven a waste of time. On a lighter note, Jupiter’s essence is strong in your zone of personal safety, watch out for oversized turtles in the next few weeks, they may pose as a threat to your well-being.
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Virgo
The moon’s position is currently influencing your musical abilities. Your life-long happiness now depends on your engagment in any form of musical theater and/or talent contests. Be persistant and do not listen to the people who tell you that your not good enough, they cannot see your true talent.
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Cancer
Twenty miniture poodles will arrive on your doorstep in a few days. This may or may not be a metaphore, but in any case, the brown one bites.
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Leo
Lately you have been experiencing a lot of stress and as a result you have been asking yourself many questions. The answer to all of those questions is 15.
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Scorpio
In the next few days you will slowly recognise the faults in your personality. Now that it’s been pointed out to you, start searching. Try asking some of the people that aviod you on a regular basis, they may be able to help you.
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Capricorn
The trouble for you today comes in the form of choice. You’ll have so many different options to choose from, you won’t be able to decide, and because a slightly annoying lunar influence will be present, you might be tempted to go for the one you know best, but try something different! For instance, drive on the wrong side of the road, or kick a baby in the shins!
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Aquarius
Mercury is strong in your career domain at the moment and as a result your job is at risk. The only way that you can keep your career safe at the moment is to pull as many practical jokes as your can on your boss. That way they will remember how fun you are to have in the workplace!
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Pisces
You will meet a celebrity in the next few days. It will appear that they don’t like you, but that’s just a show. Don’t let anything get in the way of this person as they are your soulmate. Keep following them to prove that you could be a great friend and/or lover. Restraining order or not, you were meant to be together!
